Parents as Reading Coaches: practice makes perfect

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False. Reading practice that engenders negative self-talk can result in children who hate reading and don’t learn to read well.
All conscious learning takes place in self-talk. It defines how we view ourselves and how we make sense of our world. Self-talk is the way we give instructions to ourselves.

This is especially important when learning to read. Readers must attack text with confidence, without worrying about making mistakes. Learning involves risk-taking before we become capable. Childhood is a fragile time; confidence is like a flame that can be extinguished by a little puff of wind. It is not easily restored.

An adult’s role is to build the language of self-talk —language that allows children to maintain a positive view of themselves as readers. This means avoiding any hint that they may not ultimately become successful readers.

All parents want their children to succeed. Parents are asked, and often required, to spend at least 20 minutes each day helping their children practice. Yet they are given little or no guidance to ensure that it is the kind of practice that makes perfect. One parent told me that she would get frustrated and say to her seven-year-old son, “You can’t even read words like the, at, or from. Those are baby words!” and, “Sound it out! Don’t schools teach phonics anymore?”

What an excellent way to reinforce the child’s suspicion that reading is too hard for him. This is, unfortunately, one of the most common ways that parents undermine the teacher’s efforts. As teachers, we need to do a better job of training those well-meaning parents.

Young children are doing their best. They want desperately to succeed, especially before family members. When they are embarrassed and lose confidence, they often begin to dislike reading and call themselves stupid. Most of the parents I speak to have only one piece of advice to give to aspiring readers: “Sound it out.” When a child can’t read the books sent home, parents either blame the school for not teaching the right way, or the child for not trying. Negative comments feed the child’s negative self-talk.

No purpose is served by introducing the notion of failure to children who, like Alice, are just beginning their journey through Wonderland and are having trouble “keeping the same size for ten minutes together.” We all seek out what feels good, and we avoid unpleasant experiences. Coaching must, above all else, help to keep confidence and desire alive.

Small successes that are identified and praised, combined with an environment that is free from fear of failure, are basic needs for all who are learning to read. Parents must be shown ways to make practicing a happy, joyful time. They must provide the same light-hearted support and encouragement they gave when the child was learning to speak. Mistakes should be responded to with large doses of humour.

Reading requires one-to-one guidance, with interactions that nurture confidence that the task of reading is not only worth pursuing, but that the child is capable of accomplishing it. Parents and volunteers who coach effectively provide this dimension of reading. They must be cautioned to take their concerns to the teacher and never to discuss weaknesses, or the possibility of failure, with the child.

Reading has only two components: text, and the background knowledge the reader brings to the text. Schools teach the skills needed to unlock the mechanics of text. They also build knowledge in many subject areas. Parents can be most effective as reading coaches when they spend time enriching the reading experience. To make this happen, however, teachers first need to train parents to spend time discussing the messages of the text, instead of critiquing the reader’s skills.

The following suggestions are just some examples of what we as teachers can do. As a start, don’t ask children to read to their parents until they are ready. Assign activities for homework that promote success and confidence. Send home good fiction and non-fiction books for parents to read aloud and discuss with their aspiring reader. For instance, ask the student and coach to create three good questions about the piece they have shared. Children are in great need of extended discourse with a caring adult who makes them feel their opinions and observations are valued.

For other ideas, brainstorm with your colleagues to design assignments that make it easy for reading coaches to engender positive self-talk in beginning or discouraged readers. We can teach them how to conduct coaching sessions that end with, “Let’s do this again, soon!”

Vera Goodman B.Ed., M.A., lives in Calgary, AB. She taught grades one to nine for 27 years and continues to teach adults as a consultant and as a professional speaker to a wide variety of audiences.

Vera is author of the bestseller Reading is More than Phonics! which has been revised and published under the title Simply Read! Her second book Simply Write! has just been released.