Rainbows Helps Kids: Putting Their Grief Into Perspective

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In the Winter issue of Canadian Teacher Magazine, Stacey LePage’s article, “They May Just be Sad Kids” very clearly outlined the impact unresolved grief had on her students aged 18 – 20 years. This may include anger, isolation, substance abuse, school dropout, withdrawal and other unhealthy practices. She went on to state that this grief “can create cement shoes that prevent one from moving forward and meeting their full potential.”

Educators are often the first people to pick up signs that something is at work in the child’s environment that is causing noticeable changes in behaviour. These changes may include inattentiveness, acting out, dropping grades or disinterest in school activities. The emotions that a child experiences during a parental separation or divorce may be similar to those experienced when a loved one dies. Often, parents or caregivers become so caught up in the event that they become emotionally unavailable to their children. Children are left to make sense of the whirlwind of change in their family structure all by themselves.

Feelings of guilt (If I had done what my parents had asked of me, they would still be together), inadequacy (Why did my parent leave me? Am I not lovable?), anger (I hate my parent for leaving), fear (Since my mom died, will dad die too? Who will look after me?), despair (Life is not worth living!) can be very common reactions for children of all ages when the family composition is altered. Left unresolved, such feelings can lead to withdrawal, or self-destructive or anti-social behaviours.

So, what’s a school to do? Too often, as educators, we may feel compelled to treat the behaviour (a time-saving response) rather than explore the reasons for the changed behaviour (a time-consuming activity). However, when the staff begins to understand that emotional anxiety caused by critical changes in the family can severely hamper the learning process, they soon realize that students need a safe, caring environment, beyond the classroom, in which to “download” some of the negative emotions they may have internalized.

“Rainbows has really helped me sort out my feelings...and has helped them become more realistic... I also know that other people have problems too...I realize that feelings aren’t good, they aren’t bad, they just are...I feel a lot better about myself.” (girl, age 14)

There is help out there! Rainbows is an international, not-for-profit organization with registered charitable status in Canada, which offers peer support groups for children, adolescents and adults who are grieving a death, separation, divorce or other painful transition in their family. We partner with the community and provide our program of healing and hope at no cost to children or youth. Our curricula are used in school systems across Canada and come in five distinct programs: SunBeams (preschool series); Rainbows (elementary series in English and French, Religious and Secular); Spectrum (adolescent series, Religious and Secular); Kaleidoscope (single, college-age/adult series), Prism (single-parent series) and Silver Linings (Community Crisis Response).

The mission of Rainbows is to assist children, adolescents and adults who are experiencing a significant loss in their family, to sort through their pain and confusion, to build self-esteem, and to learn positive coping tools to help deal with their loss. Our purpose is to alleviate the pain that accompanies grief and to promote emotional healing by providing a safe environment for the expression and release of feelings.

Rainbows is a different kind of helping...not counselling or therapy-yet therapeutic...does NOT diagnose or solve problems...groups share freely...deals with NORMAL grief-associated FEELINGS...dependent on relationships of participants together...curriculum of PREVENTION and/or INTERVENTION.

How Rainbows Works in a School

(“Rainbows” is the umbrella term for any of the 6 programs available.)

TRAINING

At the School District Level
• A trainer, called a Registered Director, completes a six day training with Rainbows Canada. Certified trainers return to their jurisdictions to establish Rainbows Sites and train the volunteers who will run the programs.

At the School Level
• Volunteers may be chosen from staff, parents or the community to take the 6-hour training required to become a facilitator.
• The coordinator for the school site must take an additional 3 hours of training.
• Volunteers are screened by the school, and possess some leadership skills, have a motive of genuine care and concern, and are capable of keeping a confidence with good listening skills.

FORMAT

• All programs function in a peer-support format.
• Three to five children are grouped according to age.
• Twelve weekly meetings for participants are led by facilitators.
• A complete, user-friendly Facilitator Manual is provided.
• Meetings include activities or journal writing and ample time for discussion.
• Meeting times: 30 minutes to 70 minutes, depending on the age-level of participants.
• The site chooses convenient times and places for hosting the meetings.
• CELEBRATE ME Days are unique “days” providing closure to the weekly meetings.

COST

• There is an initial start-up fee which includes site preparation, training of facilitators, coordinators and materials.
• Following the initial fee, the annual cost is only to replenish participants’ journals.
• There is no charge to the participants.

The RAINBOWS program provides invaluable support to a significant number of children within our school system ... and is responsive to the unique and critical situations in the lives of the children. We are very appreciative of the assistance it provides for families and children in difficult personal times.
Assistant Superintendent of Schools, District 57, Prince George, BC

To learn more, talk to an experienced Rainbows professional at Rainbows Canada, 1-877-403-2733 or go online at www.rainbows.ca.

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Currently the National Director of Rainbows Canada, Carol Bertram spent 33 years as an educator with the Simcoe County District School Board in Ontario. She brought the Rainbows program to one of her schools as a pilot project for the Board in the early 1990s and went on to help train over 70 schools in the District to offer this unique peer-support program of healing.