Managing Conflict: Are you an owl or an ostrich?

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Are you an owl or an ostrich?

Answering this question could give you the skills and understanding you need to better handle conflict in difficult situations.
Sandra Hamilton is a principal with a problem. Two of her teachers aren’t getting along and the tension is having a negative impact on the school. Other teachers, students—even parents—are talking about these two teachers.

Janet has been teaching at Riverside Middle School for over 15 years. She had always seemed to get along with the other teachers, but that changed when Teri joined the staff. Janet and Teri’s classrooms were beside each other. Janet had complained to Sandra on several occasions about “Teri’s inability to control her students.” Sandra knew that Janet had taken steps to confront Teri directly about the noise emanating from her classroom.

Whenever Sandra tried to broach the topic of the difficult relationship between the two teachers, Teri shrugged it off by saying that she didn’t have any problem with Janet.

Sandra knew that both Janet and Teri were good teachers. It was their teaching styles that were very different. This difference was part of the problem between the two teachers. But Sandra also recognized that it was the manner in which the two teachers were dealing with their differences that was escalating the tension more than anything else.

Conflict is a natural part of life and work, yet people typically will do anything to avoid dealing with it. The perception is that conflict is tough to manage, unpleasant and ultimately irresolvable. In fact, conflict is not a bad thing: it’s only bad if you manage it poorly or not at all.

Conflict De-mystified

Conflict is a matter of differences—differences of wants, needs, or expectations. We all experience conflict, but we don’t all respond to it in the same way. Research shows that individuals adopt one of five basic approaches, or conflict management styles, when they experience conflict. See if you can determine your style from the following list.

The Woodpecker: Woodpeckers are clear on what needs to be done to resolve the situation and will hammer away at their point until the other person agrees. Woodpeckers don’t need to waste a lot of time on niceties. Their concern is getting the other party to see things their way.

The Parakeet: Parakeets are focused on the relationship at risk in conflict. They are willing to concede the point, so long as the relationship remains intact. Parakeets are likely to use humour to lighten the moment or to insist that the situation isn’t as dire as the other person may think.

The Owl: Owls move slowly through conflict because they want to make sure that they understand all aspects of the situation, have heard all pertinent information, and have properly communicated their perspective. They want to make sure that the solution is what’s best for everyone. Owls are willing to take whatever time is required to work through the conflict.

The Ostrich: Ostriches prefer to stick their heads in the sand and pretend that conflict doesn’t exist. They will ignore or avoid potential conflict situations—to the point of physically leaving the room if that’s what is required.

The Hummingbird: Hummingbirds want to work things out quickly. They willingly create options for resolution and are open to negotiation. For Hummingbirds, finding middle ground allows everyone to “win” something in the situation. While it may not be the perfect solution, it’s “good enough” so that everyone can move on.

A word of warning: there’s no single right way to approach conflict. Each style has its uses and its challenges.

Let’s look back at the conflict between the two teachers in our example. Janet approached the conflict as a Woodpecker. She expected Teri to keep her students quiet and orderly and she didn’t hesitate to confront Teri with her demands. Teri, on the other hand, approached the situation like an Ostrich. When Sandra asked her about the tension between the two teachers, Teri denied there was any problem. Teri did not want to talk about the situation. She wanted to avoid it.

In this situation, Janet and Teri’s conflict management styles were exacerbating the conflict. Teri was not willing to address the situation and Janet’s insistence on getting things done her way was only increasing Teri’s desire to ignore Janet completely. Teri’s avoidance behaviour added to Janet’s frustration making her more insistent on Teri doing things the “right” way—her way.

Use The Approach that Best Fits Your Desired Outcome

How do you decide which approach to take when you experience conflict? Consider what’s important. Is this a situation where the outcome is vital? Is the type of relationship you have with the other person important in the long run?

The Woodpecker is a task-oriented approach and can damage a relationship. So the Woodpecker approach is most appropriate in crisis situations, when critical issues are at stake, and when rules must be enforced.

The Parakeet is more relationship-oriented. Since the Parakeet approach means giving in to the other person, it is most appropriate when the final outcome of the conflict isn’t all that important, but maintaining the relationship is.

If both the relationship and the task are important, then the Owl or Hummingbird approaches are most appropriate. Deciding between these two approaches will depend on how much time you have. Is the conflict worthy of a significant time investment? Or do you need a quick fix so you can move on?

The Owl approach can be time consuming because it means that all issues must be thoroughly examined and addressed. While it is likely to result in a long-lasting solution, not all conflicts are worth the time investment. The Hummingbird approach is quicker because it focuses on finding a compromise that everyone can live with, even if the Hummingbird doesn’t feel her needs have been completely addressed. Using the Hummingbird approach means finding a short-term solution that may need to be revisited later.

And then there are conflicts that require the Ostrich approach. Perhaps the situation is really none of your business, or it’s an issue that isn’t that important, or getting involved would cause more harm than good. That’s when avoiding the conflict is actually the best way of dealing with it.

The key to dealing with conflict is recognizing that we all have a choice in how we approach the situation. The Woodpecker approach may work sometimes, but some conflicts will require the Owl or Hummingbird approach. Even the Parakeet and Ostrich approaches are appropriate in some circumstances.

Making deliberate and thoughtful choices in how we approach conflict won’t eliminate conflict. But it will reduce the negative impact of those conflicts and it will result in opportunities for new ideas, better teamwork, and more positive workplace morale.

When you identify the source of the conflict and the ways in which people are handling it, you’re well on the way to actually resolving the conflict, and moving that workplace from toxic to terrific.

Gayle Oudeh is a former teacher, and co-author with Nabil Oudeh of Conflict Is for the Birds, and a principal of the Centre for Conflict Resolution (CCR) International Inc., an Ottawa-based consulting firm specializing in conflict management and training. For more information or to order a copy of Conflict Is for the Birds, please call 1-800-287-8610 (toll-free) or e-mail resources@creativebound.com